New Post Cards, a Book, a Heart Rock and a new Project

I found another heart rock in my walk way yesterday on my way to the car to go to Dallas to sew with my mini group friends.  I picked it up, scraped off the mud (we've had a little rain lately) and dropped it in my basket to take with me.  I remembered to show it to only one friend while there, Andrea.  I photographed it on one of the postcards -- it's in the last photo.  I saw this heart shaped cloud while driving home from Dallas and sewing.

While there, I started a new project.  I've been wanting to make a "grief" quilt for some months now.  I asked if anyone could remember the stages of grief and Shelley and Andrea both got online and found them for me.  Andrea's website had 7 stages: 1. denial/shock, 2. pain/guilt, 3. anger/bargaining, 4. depression/loneliness/reflection, 5. upward turn, 6. reconstruction/working through, 7. acceptance/hope.  Shelley printed out the 5 stages that I am more familiar with: 1. denial, 2. anger/resentment, 3. bargaining, 4. depression, 5 acceptance.

I decided to go with the 5 stages that Shelley found and possibly throw in a little of Andrea's findings also because I didn't want the fabrics to be too think to sew.  I found fabrics to represent the different stages of grief for me.  For "denial" I used the orange and grey originally, but that wasn't really enough.  I later added the purples they are on the top of the quilt, thanks to Maxine and Kari for suggesting it needed diagonal movement and purple.  Everything on top of the red, represents "denial and shock".  Red represents "anger", the next fabric is a blue with red and blue freckles (or dots) which represents bargaining, then the black is for "depression" and finally the yellow peeking through is for "hope and acceptance".  I'm not there yet, but I'm hopeful that I will be one day.

As you can see the top fabrics are ripped and woven through each other.  They are very confusing, just like the feelings in the beginnings of grief.  The denial and the shock are so confusing, my very fiber feels ripped apart at times.  I had not trimmed the quilt to the point that it's at in this photo when I had taken it over to a part of the quilt shop that has all the thread.  I was looking for black and grey and maybe a dark purple.  An older woman saw my quilt at that point and said "oh what a mess!".   I turned to her and thanked her.  I told her it that it represents grief.  She said "Grace?"  "No," I said "grief.".  She said "Greece?"  "No, grief as in someone has died and I am grieving for them".  At which point she just looked at me with disdain and confusion and her friend dragged her away.  She just could not comprehend a quilt that was not of a traditional making/pattern/design.  That's OK.  Someday she may feel like ripping fabric and remember my "mess" and give herself permission.   

I've already stitched a broken heart into the quilt.  I plan to stitch tears into it at some point, but other than that, I'll just stitch and see what happens.  I don't know if it will be donated to the Quilter's Guild of Dallas' live mini auction in March or if I'll put it in the show.  Right now, the only thing I know for sure about it is that is not messy enough. 

My momma sent me a book that I got in yesterday's mail.  It's Making Toast by Roger Rosenblatt.  She said in her letter to me "It is amazing how it applied to both of our lives this terrible year."  She also said she felt that she was guided to the yard sale that had it.  I agree.  I loved every word of this book.  I read it very quickly and I plan to reread it again soon.  Then I may return it to momma and buy another one for myself, so that we can both have a copy.  It just feels like we'll need it.  I don't know. 











I've got some postcrossing postcards to share with you too.  The first is from Louisiana and is of the Superdome.  I didn't know the facts that are listed on the front of the card.  Fun.  Click on the photo if you want to read them yourself. 

The next one is from Spain and shows the Ebro River. 

Then I got a surprise card from a young woman that I had sent a card to in the past.  She didn't need to send me a card in response or as a thank you, but she did.  Very sweet.  It shows a fountain in St. Petersburg, Russia. 

The last one I have to show you today actually came in an envelope!  Also from Russia.  It shows a lovely hotel and speaks of hot air balloon rides!  That would be so nice.  Isn't the envelope pretty?  I love the stamps too. 

Quilting with Friends

Today, my mini group met and I didn't take one photo.  I can't even believe it.  Especially since this was Kari's last time with us.  She is moving to Seattle on Oct. 2nd.  I'm going to miss her.  I'll think of her often though.  I know I will.  I hope to stay in touch via email and blogs.   And of course whenever the Rangers play the Red Sox, I'll be rooting against her.  I mean I'll be thinking about her while I root for the Rangers.  Safe travels Kari.  I hope you will be very happy in your next home. 

I'll fill you in on the rest of today, tomorrow.  I'm tuckered out now. 

One for the Money

That subject title may sound familiar to you.  That is, if you are a Janet Evanovich reader.  One for the Money is the first book in the Stephanie Plum series and it's being made into a movie as I write this.  I, for one, am thrilled!  I love this book series!  It's fun and sexy and more fun.  It is not a heavy read.  It's more like popcorn and every once in a while, we all need a little popcorn in our days and lives. 

The cast is something I'm a little worried about, but just in places.  Stephanie will be played by Katherine Heigl and I think she'll be able to convey Stephanie as I see her.  Sherri Shepherd is Lula.  Sherri will be a great Lula, although I always pictured Lula quite a bit heavier than Sherri.  That's not a real problem, they can just put smaller clothes on her.  This is the one that I'm worried about -- Jason O'Mara as Morelli.  Now, I think Jason is a hunk and I've always enjoyed watching him in whatever show he's in, even if I didn't like the show.  I just think of Morreli as very Italian and Jason as Irish.  Both are sexy, but I don't know that they are interchangeable.  Maybe some brown contacts would help.  Daniel Sunjata is playing Ranger.  I had to google Daniel because I didn't know the name, but when I saw the photo, I did remember him.  He's on the TV series Rescue Me and he is indeed a gorgeous hunk of man.  But I'll be honest here, I don't think there is a man alive who can fulfill my image of Ranger.  So, I can only hope that through the whole movie I'm not thinking "rescue me" when I'm watching "Ranger" on the big screen.  John Leguizamo is Jimmy Alpha and Patrick Fischler is Vinnie.  I wish they had listed who would be playing Grandma Mazur.  I can't wait to see her on the big screen.  I hope they don't cut her out of the movie.  That would be a crime.  And Connie.  Who is playing Connie?

Anyway, the day it comes out, I plan to be in the theater.  I plan to enjoy every minute and then call up my friends and compare notes.   For updates on the movie, check out Evanovich's website.

Chase

My momma called me a little while ago and told me that my little town had been on her local news.  She lives outside of Houston and I live 70 miles, give or take, south east of Dallas, so this was indeed news to me.  She went on to explain that "they" were filming in our area.  Filming?  In my little town?  Are you kidding me?  What in the world is there to film in this little place?  So, she told me just a little about a new TV show that will be starting soon called "Chase" that is filming all over Texas and has been in my area filming.  Whoa!  As it said on her news report, that's "the biggest thing to happen around here since the local school went to state with its 6 man football team" several years back!  She said some of the local kids were going to be on the show.  Pretty cool!

So, I googled.  Chase is a new series that starts September 20th (next Tuesday) on NBC.  It will air at 9 PM central time.  I have no idea if I'll like it or not, but I do like police shows, so there's a good chance I will.  I've already set it up on my DVR to record all the new episodes.  After all, I have to watch until the little town in which I live near (and get my mail) shows up! 

*I don't actually live in the city limits.  This is a rural area and I'm just a bit outside the city limits, but I do get my mail there and my water is from there.  It's the closest I have to a town at this point. 

A Leaf Cousin

My oldest granddaughter has loved trees since she was a tiny little thing.  She used to pat them lovingly when she was outside and just starting to walk.  If she was not free to roam and being carried or in a stroller, she said "tree" and stretched her arms out toward it as if she needed to be near just to breathe.  She was not happy if you did not take her to the tree, but if you did, she smiled and literally seemed to take a deep breath and she looked calmer.  It always amazed and tickled me.  And I, for one, always took her to the tree when I was with her, which I will admit was not often since they lived in Italy at the time and I was in Texas. 

Her affection for trees isn't as obvious now.  After all, she is nine years old and what self respecting nine year old girl is going to pat a tree in front of others?  But she can't fool me.  I know that she still loves trees!  She mourns not having one large enough to climb at her new house.  She always climbs one at my house and she brings me leaf faces just about every time I see her from whatever kind of branched thing is growing leaves at the time.  They always pretty much look the same, although she is artistic and I fully expect to start seeing variations at any time.  This last leaf face jogged my memory of one I had seen on another blog -- check out Keri Smith.  I think they may be cousins, although I think Keri's Ralph looks to be an older, wiser cousin.  Alas, #1's leaf has no name.

I Am Enough

Over the last several years, I've heard many times that we teach people how to treat us.  I don't think I totally believe this.  Yes, if I accept crappy treatment from someone and they treat me crappy again, I guess you could say that I've taught them that treating me crappy is fine with me.  I know that eventually, I will get tired of being treated crappy though and I will change things.  I will either stand up for myself and tell them that I will no longer accept their crappy treatment of me or I will take myself out of that situation. 

The problem I have with the statement that we "teach people how to treat us" is no child teaches someone to take advantage of them or abuse them, yet so many of us have this happen to us as children.  Maybe this abusive treatment is supposedly what teaches us to accept the crappy treatment of others.  I don't know.  I'll need a lot more therapy before I have it all figured out and I don't know that I have that much money, time or even interest in knowing at this point in my life. 

One thing I know for sure is that I did not teach my long time friend to betray me.  I was a faithful, true friend to her, so her treatment of me was a total shock.  It's been just over a year since I found out about her betrayal and for some reason, the wound to my heart is sore this week.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  I've learned many things from this.  I've learned that I will not accept this treatment of me again, by anyone.  I'm a little less likely to trust as completely as I did before, although it hasn't affected the trust and love I have for my two best friends, my closest friends.  And the most important thing I've learned from this treatment is that I Am Enough.  If I'm not enough for you.  That's fine.  We can smile and part company and treat each other with kindness.  I - AM - ENOUGH!  And don't you ever forget it.  I sure as hell won't.

*Did you notice the heart shaped cloud in the photo?  I heard a noise on my deck, went outside and could find nothing but the cloud.  Maybe an angel making sure I didn't miss it?

The Mail has been Fun

First there were some postcards from my Postcrossing friends across the globe.  The first one (above) arrived while I was still in Oklahoma.  It's from Michigan.  The second came today from Poland.  

Saturday is when my wonderful, beautiful feather touchstone arrived!  This is where I went to buy the feather touchstone.  Julie has a wonderful blog -- Moments of Perfect Clarity and an etsy shop with lots great photos for sale (at this time).   I first heard of Julie and all of her wonderful artistic talents through the *gift of jewels* exchange on Se'Lah's blog Necessary Room.  So many talented, giving people pass through there.  Be sure to notice her wonderful (moo.com) postcard and moo mini cards too!

Monday brought more fun with "Rock My World" love!  What can I say, Kim is a fast favorite of mine and a very talented artist.  Also discovered on the Necessary Room blog.  Check out her blog Queen of Arts to find her etsy shops, rocks and cards.  Talent abounds!  This photo is really pretty horrible.  The colors are much more vibrant than they show here. 

Last, but not least, was a treasure of my own making that I had ordered for a dear friend and for myself.  Catherine got hers late last week.  I was going nuts waiting on mine.  But it's here and now I'm going to read it and then save it for my grandchildren.  The Blog - part one is the first several months of this blog in book form.  Catherine doesn't have a computer at home and had trouble keeping up with the blog at first.  Actually she still misses quite a bit of my postings now, especially when I get going and post three times in one day, but she does the best she can.  She's such a close friend, that I actually think of her as my heart-sister.  For the most part, I've been very blessed in the sister, sister-in-law, friend department.  Very blessed.

Musings from my Tan Moleskin Journal notes

I was looking at other blogs earlier and came across a book title that I wanted to write down. So I grabbed my handy little moleskin journal, that I carry in my purse. This is where I keep such information. The journal itself is beginning to have a nice feel to it. Kind of roughed up from being jostled around in my purse for so long. It feels a little like a cross between an old paper bag and a little like it's alive. That may make no sense whatsoever to you, but it does to me and my odd warped imagination.

I started flipping through the pages to find a place to jot down the name of the book and the author, when I noticed lots of things in the journal that were completed. So, I scratched them off as I came to them, somehow thinking this would show me how much room I actually have left in this little book.

Then I came across notes I'd made while visiting my sister last September or October. Those were the last visits I had with her and they were good times with her. I was going through hell and she was so very supportive. We had some good laughs. She told me funny stories that I had intended to blog about and never got around to.


Like the time she was watching her husband's little brother David for the day and she was going crazy not knowing what to do with him. So, she ended up taking him to McDonald's 3 times in an 8 hour period! He's about the same age as my son and I thought back to the time when they were about 7 or 8 and just thought that was hilarious! Poor Teresa. That had to be a tough day.

Then she told me that she had this cat once, I want to say its name was Alley, that lived in their garage. If I remember correctly, they couldn't get that cat to come into the house. It was a neighborhood stray they adopted, I believe. Teresa once ran over Alley twice in one day while she was coming and going! Alley lived many more years, but I think that was a very painful day for both of them.




I had written down "for Teresa -- Thou Shall Not Be a Smart Ass!". I must have planned to make her an wall quilt with that on it. She would have loved that. And I had this quote written and attributed to her "Even though I'm taking my ADD medication, I'm here, there and everywhere!". A more true statement was never said. Teresa was always all over the place. I sure do miss her.

Last, but not least, I found this prayer that I had written down. As I said, I was going through a very painful period in my life. For a person, such as myself who has the unfortunate habit of eating her emotions, this prayer could be fitting for any bad day.

"Dear Lord, help my poor bruised soul find peace. There are only so many chips I can eat before I explode. Love, Me"

Continued from Below (P.M.)

It took me just a few minutes to find the song I was talking about in the posting Pure Misery. I found it on youtube, so you can hear it too. It's What the World Needs Now (Abraham, Martin and John) by Tom Clay. The first one just shows the 45 single record (which is what I had and listened to way back then) and has a very clear recording of the song. The second version shows video that matches the song. The recording and video don't always match up when the people talk, but it's not a big deal. I found the second recording first and watched it. I found it interesting, but it made me sad to see it all in color again. My imagination is bad enough. Living color is worse, especially when President Kennedy was shot. But I wanted to give you the option of which to see and listen to. I have no doubt that if youtube had been around when this was first put out, I would have listened to and watched the second one and cried to it, often.








A little update on my granddaughter #1. I went up to Oklahoma for about 5 days. While I was there, she had no nightmares that I'm aware of. We got her a couple of bras (new to her), although I don't know if they would really be called "training" bras like they were when I was a little girl. Her sister had to get some too, although she didn't really need one yet.

We all went shopping for a gift for their daddy's birthday. The girls each paid a little on it themselves. I paid some for their little brother (who didn't have any money of his own). After spending some of the money, #1 decided that she wanted to keep the remainder of her money. She had been trying to give it away to her daddy and to me. Which had us quite worried. It is just not normal for a 9 year old child to say she doesn't want her money. So, now she has plans for it. Which relieves my mind some. She and her sister also made friends with a girl about their age who lives across the street from them.

I forgot to mention in the last posting that they live in a new neighborhood in a new state and are, of course, going to a new school. So many changes, in such a short amount of time.

Pure Misery

Are you a woman? Do you remember what puberty was like?

Now, set that aside for a moment and think about the first time you experienced the loss of someone you truly loved. The first death of a close family member or good friend. This first, sour taste of grief is just gut wrenching. And as we all know, it doesn't get better with the next experience. You just know that you will live through it.

Go back to the feelings of puberty. Do you remember how miserable you felt? How you would sometimes cry for no reason that you could think of? How you would get so sad? I remember listening to this song that had excerpts from live news coverage when President Kennedy was shot, when Robert Kennedy was shot and from Martin Luther King Junior's "I Have a Dream" speech and then coverage of when he was shot. I would listen to it over and over and over and cry and cry. I remember hating myself at times and everyone around me other times. Those hormones flying around in our bodies are nothing to take lightly! They are mean little things, I'm telling you!

Well, as it turns out, my poor granddaughter #1 is indeed mourning her mother's loss and trying to understand it while she is indeed entering puberty. Lord, help us all. If you are reading this and of the praying sort, please pray. For #1, for her father and for her siblings who will be within striking distance.