There comes a time when spell checker can't help. When all the notes you make to yourself aren't enough. When you forget who you've thanked and who you need to thank. When you realize that you were in a daze when people did things that you need to thank them for. Life can get so off kilter when there is a sudden, unexpected death in a family. When it's the death of a young woman who is the mother of three young children it's just devastating. I still feel as if I am in shock.
I knew my daughter-in-law M had many problems and being hooked on prescription medications and being bi-polar were just a couple of them. I said (and worried) many times, that she would over dose one day, but somehow I never really expected it to happen. I'm still in shock over all of this. At the changes in my son's life and the lives of his children. I'm even shocked at the change in my life. I don't know if my son will ever find another woman to love and bring into his family, but until that should happen, I'm the main female or "mother" figure in the lives of his children. I accept this role with love and I hope grace and even gratitude. That may sound odd, but I'm grateful that I'm here to do it and that M wanted me to have a close relationship with them from the start. I do. I'm close to these kids. All three of them. I love them dearly. And they love me. I have a new purpose in my life and I pray that the good Lord will help me to help my son raise them to be as good a person as he is. I pray that I do not overstep my bounds. That I know the correct thing to say at the correct time. I pray that all of our lives start to slowly get back on a more normal track again.
To those friends of mine who read this, please know that I appreciate everything -- large and small -- you have done for me, my son and the kids. To my extended family, I thank you also. I cannot begin to express how much the kind words of encouragement from friends and family have helped me so far through this. I've had wonderful emails and phone calls that have literally lifted me from the pits of despair. There are no words to thank you for these things. I just hope that someday, I can pass on the same kindnesses in some way.