Hmmm, I don't know if I agree that forgiving someone means that you never again get angry about something they did. But then I'm no professional... I'm more likely to think that forgiveness equals acceptance of something that you can't change and then moving on. I looked up forgiveness and I guess I'm just not that good at it. So, do you feel pressured or bad in any way about the anger? If so, you shouldn't. Sometimes I think that people who don't feel anger are in absolute denial, or they're just SAYING they're not angry, but inside, well...
I agree with your friend Carol. I think forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, so a hurtful act doesn't eat us up inside. It's an acceptance, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or change a relationship. In my opinion, anyway. I'm not very good at forgiving people, so I really had to come up with a definition that worked for me, because I felt guilty for treating people differently after they hurt me. Then I decided that OF COURSE I would treat someone differently, things have changed, but for my own sake I had to forgive them in my heart by just accepting that they did what they did and that it probably had more to do with them than me...if that makes sense.
Sundey, I recently read a book that had been recommended to me by two different people at two very different times in my life that is titled The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
One of the agreements is "don't take anything personally". Which goes back to your statement in your above comment "accepting that they did what they did and that it probably had more to do with them than me". Yes! It does have more to do with them than you or me or anyone else. It's sometimes hard to remember that though. I'm trying.
Finley gave me that book. It is good. And HARD. Another one I really love is You Can Heal Your Life. For some reason, I can't remember the author. An older woman. I got it when I donated to PBS. It's kind of a corny title but it's very, very good.
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Hmmm, I don't know if I agree that forgiving someone means that you never again get angry about something they did. But then I'm no professional... I'm more likely to think that forgiveness equals acceptance of something that you can't change and then moving on. I looked up forgiveness and I guess I'm just not that good at it. So, do you feel pressured or bad in any way about the anger? If so, you shouldn't. Sometimes I think that people who don't feel anger are in absolute denial, or they're just SAYING they're not angry, but inside, well...
I'm giving you a big hug next time I see you!
I agree with your friend Carol. I think forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, so a hurtful act doesn't eat us up inside. It's an acceptance, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or change a relationship. In my opinion, anyway. I'm not very good at forgiving people, so I really had to come up with a definition that worked for me, because I felt guilty for treating people differently after they hurt me. Then I decided that OF COURSE I would treat someone differently, things have changed, but for my own sake I had to forgive them in my heart by just accepting that they did what they did and that it probably had more to do with them than me...if that makes sense.
Sundey, I recently read a book that had been recommended to me by two different people at two very different times in my life that is titled The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
One of the agreements is "don't take anything personally". Which goes back to your statement in your above comment "accepting that they did what they did and that it probably had more to do with them than me". Yes! It does have more to do with them than you or me or anyone else. It's sometimes hard to remember that though. I'm trying.
Finley gave me that book. It is good. And HARD. Another one I really love is You Can Heal Your Life. For some reason, I can't remember the author. An older woman. I got it when I donated to PBS. It's kind of a corny title but it's very, very good.
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